Happy Monday!

So Paddy usually takes naps that are about 30 minutes long. Every once and a while a bit longer, but never really longer than an hour. Today, we have just passed the 3 hour mark of his first nap. I honestly don't even know what to do with myself. Thought I'd really enjoy the day my son would take a long ass nap. But I find myself going into his room every ten minutes to put my hand on his back to make sure he's still breathing. So much for relaxing.

Things I have done in the 3 hours Paddy has been sleeping:
1. Tried my wedding dress
2. Became angry that I can't zip it up
3. Made a mega diet plan
4. Ate a half a block of cheese while making the diet plan
5. Started writing the script for my wedding.
6. Stopped writing the script with I started crying too much to be able to read what I wrote.
7. Drank a pot of coffee
8. Made a pile of clothing that needs to be washed.
9. Used pile of clothing as a foot stool while I watched the Colbert Report reruns.
10. Came to the conclusion after watching a half of one episode, that Entourage is a stupid show
11. Seriously contemplated trying my wedding dress on again.
12. Seriously contemplated washing some dishes.
13. Opted for laying on the couch instead.

That's about it. A fine Monday morning if you ask me.

Third Post (Can you see the Trend Here?)

Hello everyone! I am a much happier person as my cold is starting to go away finally. Maybe MAYBE I won't be using 'fuck' quite so often anymore! But don't get your hopes up.

   So every morning Paddy gets up and 6:30, I feed him, and then can sometimes can get him to go back to bed. So today being a cold rainy icky day, it'd be a perfect morning to sleep in. So my alarm clock son got up at 6:30 and I fed him. Brought him back to my bed where we could have some quality mother-son time and cuddle and take a small nap together. This is what I thought would happen.
   Here's what actually happened. Paddy puked twice (on Pat's pillow, so I'm not too worried about it.) Then took a massive dump that not only seeped out the back of his diaper, but made it's way onto my bed. So instead of that nap I was looking forward to, I had to give my son a bath, change him, put the bed sheets in the wash, and put new sheets on the bed. This is my proof that sometimes, just sometimes, even 5 month olds can be assholes.

   But now he's happy as can be in his door jumper making, what I can only describe as, bird screeching noises. But I can't blame him, I'd probably feel as light as a bird too if I took the dump he took this morning. I'm surprised he's not floating.

   I have an eye doctor appointment this morning. I realized I had to go to the eye doctor when I couldn't read my dvr anymore. Sad but true. However, my parents are working and so is Pat. So off to the doctor with Paddy it is! I can almost guarantee a blog post later at the HIGHlarity that will ensue at the doctor office.

Second Post!

   My brother pointed out the fact that I used the word 'fuck' a few too many times in my last post. I guess I should rein that in a bit. But I really don't fucking feel like it. I gotta get it out now while Paddy can't talk.

   So instead of teaching my son important things like sitting up on his own or eating solid foods, I am currently schooling him on the art of zombie movies for Halloween. We watched 28 Days Later last night - my current favorite - and we're watching the Walking Dead marathon on tv now. My only problem with Walking Dead? WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE ZOMBIES?? This is so friggen terrible, I have no idea why people like it so much. Paddy needs to learn to both fear and respect the zombie, and he can't do that if an hour long show features zombies for less that 4 minutes. How the fuck is he going to cart my fat ass to safety when the zombie apocalypse comes? THESE ARE THINGS EVERY MOTHER SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT.

My First Post!

   I have decided to enter into the twentieth century (a decade later) and write my own blog! How exciting for all of you! I decided to be very honest with my blog - a gritty southside Chicago account of growing up from a partier to a mom. Two VERY different roles, so I've learned.

   This won't be a blog that obsessed over every shit my son takes and analyzes it. I want to give you an account of my life as a mom, not the life of a baby. Let's be honest, babys' sleep, shit, and eat. Let's not pretend that every milestone my son reaches is the end all be all of baby milestones.

   On the other side, I do have the cutest, most adorable baby to ever cross the planet ever in the history of the universe. If you don't agree, fuck you. You're stupid.


  So here we go. Not too sure on how to start out this blog but to give you a little info. My son's name is Paddy. My husband Pat and I are already married (took the classy way and eloped to Las Vegas) but are having our big wedding in 2012. We actually didn't know I was pregnant when we married, we had eloped for insurance reasons. Two weeks after our trip to Vegas...  I'm super friggen pregnant! And just a bit nervous because I drank A LOT in Vegas. But eight wonderful (read: terrible for Pat) months later, we have a boy Paddy. Fell in love immediately. He was perfect.
   Then I brought him home...


   Let's be clear, I have always loved my son. But holy shit did I need sleep after that first week. Little did I know, it's five months later and I still need some of that sleep. But a little more used to motherhood and a little more used to being a housewife.
   So I'm a funny bitch and thought it would be fun to keep a blog of my life as a first time housewife and mother. Interested? keep reading. Not? Fuck off :)